Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
