Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my being single is dangerous.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
