capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
