I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
