I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
