His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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