And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
