I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
