we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
