with your own penis?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Did you pee in the oven last night??
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
