This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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