Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
