This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Damn victory sex feels great
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
