i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
