I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
