I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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