You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
