She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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