the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize