We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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