i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
