The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
