I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
