just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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