I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
