Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
