I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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