So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize