Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
