just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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