Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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