My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
