hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
