I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
