You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
