So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
