Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
it's like heaven, but drunker
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
