if i can run in heels then i can drive
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
