you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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