i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
