I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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