he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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