Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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