these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
