You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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