it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize