So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
