I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
