I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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