Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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