I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
