im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
