Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
