how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
