I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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