I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
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