so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
