the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
