so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
