Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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