He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
