i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
