Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
