Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
