So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
